"I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?"

It's funny. I started out with all of these fabulous ideas for the wedding and now, I've made excuses for why I don't want to do them anymore. Most of them have to do with the fact that I am not creative. I do not have a creative bone in my body. I think big but do not have the ability to bring anything to life. I'm just not that way. Another thing? What most people don't tell you is that sometimes being creative is expensive. I shouldn't say expensive, but it definitely takes more cash than what I would expect.

I'm over it.

I'm sitting here, crunching wedding numbers and congratulating myself on doing such a good job of staying disciplined about saving, saving, saving and I'm reminded that all of this money is going to be spent soon. Very soon. It makes me sad. Where is it all going?! WHY. What is cheap to one person is expensive to another. I'm not going to give you my budget here, but let's just say that to some, it's a small budget but to ME, it is a very, very, very real amount of money. The things I could do. Or not do. I could just sit on it and have it there. Rainy day money. That sounds nice. Instead, it's being spent on ONE.DAY. One day for two people who have been together so long that a wedding at this point is just a formality. Why do we have to spend so much money to throw a party? Who are we trying to impress? It's silly.

So, I'm thinking of maybe taking things in the opposite direction. I'm thinking of going simple. Nothing wrong with that, right? You don't really need all of that flair to have a good time. I know people who have a blast with a deck of cards and a beer bong. Expectations are always so high when you go to wedding. What is she wearing? What is he wearing? What are those flowers? Did you taste that cake? I can't believe she did that. I can't believe she wore that.

It's so gross. Yet, we are all guilty of being all judge-y.

But why should I care? Our wedding is going to be shared with the people closest to us. Mostly family. And they won't judge us, right? No. They'll love just being a part of it all. And we'll be happy to have everyone there - being a part of it all.

So, with that off my chest I have to be real: I'm just lazy.

Lazy, but still not creative. So it's okay to not follow through. Right?

Happy Friday. : )