Irregular Choice

That is the brand of the shoe that I will be wearing for the wedding. This shoe is very controversial. I know a total of 3 people who have co-signed on these shoes. The rest have said they do not love them, which is code for "Those are the ugliest f-ing things I have ever seen." Which is fine.

They are different. I won't post exactly what they look like, but I will leave you the link and you can make the guess for yourself. And guess what? I'm not looking for an opinion.  You don't have to understand the things I love.

http://www.irregularchoice.com/?stop=true

I also purchased the piece for my hair. I'm bucking tradition and Just Saying No to the veil. It's so extra. I don't need it. Anyway, here it is:

It's perfect.

Brian and I are going suit shopping tonight. Suit Drama. Who knew? It will all be okay. I am really not worried. Really.

Things and Things.

So, it's rapidly approaching.

I should be in full blown bride mode but, I'm not.

My excuse? It's been raining here. Tons. Also? I don't think I've seen the sun in what feels like years. This weather isn't conducive to getting shit done. This weather is meant to sit on the couch and watch Ghost Adventures.

Anyway, we've finished the invitations! They're printed! We just haven't seen them in person yet. My Auntie Cindi and Uncle Ed handled that end of it and they are AMAZING for doing it. I'm so excited. We'll need to get them together in some type of "cute" order, but that shouldn't be a spectacle, right? RIGHT?!

So, what have I done since the last time we spoke? Hmm.

Well, I scheduled dress fittings
Scheduled dessert/cake tastings
Bought the piece for my hair (no veil)
Starting toying around with changing the men's suits.
Bought random stuff on etsy and ebay.
Made more lists
Cut stuff out for the sake of the budget
Started dieting (10 pounds! Woo hoo!)
Made some honeymoon plans
Made  changes to the flowers
Updated vendors on time change
Created a rough draft of the ceremony

And yet, there is still so much more to do:

Figure out decor
Start any and all DIY projects (there are a few)
Get some stuff printed
Finalize the menu
Assemble/send invitations
Finalize music
Finalize transportation
Schedule hair trial
Try not to kill myself
Try not to kill anyone else

And that's not even the half of it.

With that being said, if you love doing this stuff, then you are a better person than I will ever be. If you don't like this stuff, hire somebody to do it for you.

Sigh.

Meth Math & Scribbles

My life is built around lists and scribbles. I have lists to manage my lists. This attempt at efficiency can't be efficient.

In other news, Brian and I are off to Bed, Bath & Beyond to finish our registry tonight. I will be very glad when that is over and scratched off one of these lists. (I'm sure I have it on 3 separate lists.) We also have plans tomorrow to wrap up the men's suits. They're pretty sharp. Problem is, WHICH TIE TO PICK!? I know, this is some real serious shit right here. Do we pick a blu-ish tie to match the girls dresses but have the men look like they just came back from a medical sales convention or do we go with pink, which is nice but it's pink or do we go with the tan stripes which don't really match anything? I'm think tan stripes. It looks nice and let's face it, nothing about this wedding or its decor is going to make any sense anyway.

P.S. I don't do drugs. Nothing stronger than coffee and over the counter Motrin. 

The Plastics A.K.A Bridesmaids

Stacey, A.K.A. Regina George, A.K.A. The Maid of Honor

My twin. My sister-friend. One of my besties.

I'm lucky to have such an amazing sister but she's such a bitch. In the best way possible.  She is really the only person who gets my jokes and she laughs. ACTUALLY laughs. Not the fake "I don't get it" laughs.  She is fiercly protective, even though she is the younger of the set. Recently, I put her to the test with my first outrageous bride request and she almost handled it with grace. I'll take it. She's an amazing mom, a loyal friend and an awesome sister.

Amber, A.K.A. Karen Smith

She's Karen not because she's dumb, but because she can tell if is raining by feeling her boobs. I have known Amber since probably the 4th grade but we did not become close until 6th. When I got drunk for the first time, it was with her. She touches me inappropriately, but it's fine. She is also one of the best mothers I know. She's the girl who just does not give a f*ck and has no problem letting you know. Also? She's fought for me. Like, literally. She's a good person to have on my team.

Robyn, A.K.A. Gretchen Wieners

Robyn has been one of my besties for almost 10 years. She was my first roommate. She is the best person to gossip with but, unlike Gretchen Wieners, she keeps my secrets. She has stalked with me. Not the cyber stalking of today, but actual get in the car, turn the headlights off, legitimate stalking. She loves like nobody else. She's sweet but she's a total bitch which means TOTAL PACKAGE. She's my little firecracker.  And I almost forgot to mention, she probably loves Britney more than I do.

Amy, A.K.A. Cady Heron

I have known Amy since she was probably 5 years old. We lost touch for awhile but had no problems picking up where we left off about 10 years ago. She's the only person I know who owns a Bedazzler. She's the hardest working person probably on the planet. She takes NO shit and takes a no holds barred approach to life. She's a fun drinking companion and is always good for "The Look". If you're at the wedding, you'll know it when you see it. She gets shit done and never complains. She has always been, as have all the other girls, there for me whenever I have needed her. No complaints, no questions.

When I look back at my wedding photos 10, 20 years from now, I know I won't look at my bridesmaids and wonder what happened to our relationship. I know I won't because they will be right there next to me cracking on our dress selection and our hairstyles asking "What the hell were we thinking?"

I love them. I love them all for their individuality but I love them because we all just fit together. We don't drink Cosmos. We drink 40's. In paper bags.

Engagement Story.....and then some.

I suppose one never really forgets the moment they get engaged. Some women can remember the cologne their boyfriend was wearing, what song was on the radio, where they bought the shoes they were wearing - all that. My memory is not so good. I mean, it is, but it's selective good. I'm the person who has to be reminded and then it all comes flooding back. 

Friend: "Do you remember that one time so and so was out of town and...."
Me: "AND we broke into her house and the radio in her living room was turned to Yanni and someone was ACTUALLY staying there at the moment!?"

That's how I remember.  Otherwise, the memory is buried.

I don't want to forget our engagement story.

I'm going to start with the year or so leading up to the engagement because I swear, I thought for a year straight that I would be engaged at any moment of the day or night.

Brian and I were always, for the most part, on the same page about getting married. We weren't trying to be. We were in love and happy with the way things were playing out. Maybe a part of me was scared to get wifed up because that is some serious grown-up shit. I think Brian felt the same way - WAY too grown up for us. About two years prior to our engagement, we went to go look at rings. I think I had decided "I can definitely do this. Why not?" I don't know if I had Brian fully convinced or not, but like the good man he is, he humored me and off we went.

And I found my ring.

In the car the next day, I'm excited. I'm thinking "Oh, shit. I'm about to be engaged like, any minute." I started talking crazy. Talking like I was ALREADY engaged. I'm thinking of time lines, locations, good dates, bridesmaids, budgets. Everything. I turned into that lunatic. The only thing I was missing was the binder of wedding ideas that I'd been compiling since birth (I don't really have one of those).

Oh, and a ring.

Brian was quick to deliver a swift punch in the gut. Wind? Out of sails. Basically, I had to PUMP.MY.BREAKS.

Time passed and I thought about my ring. Just waiting for me. Key dates passed and still, nothing. *Sigh*

About a year before we were engaged, I delivered an ultimatum. Though, I'm not sure I'd call it an ultimatum as I didn't actually give a consequence. I knew I wasn't going anywhere and I knew that I would be crazy to leave this man because he wasn't ready to marry me. CRAZY. But, I laid it out. I said, "I'd like to be engaged by March 2009."

Who does that?

He seemed to be on board with that so I felt it was cool to let myself get a jump on things. Started researching, looking at dresses - everything. I even went to a BRIDAL SHOW.  Someone tell me that is not insane? I had to make up a FAKE WEDDING DATE. I still get calls from random vendors congratulating me on my wedding. The best part is telling them I'm not married. They immediately get quiet and say in the most fake sympathetic way "Ohhhh. I'm soooorrryyyy." I love getting those calls.

March 2009 approaches. I get a manicure. I'm not trying to show my ring off with busted nails.

March 2009 passes.

August 2009 approaches. This is our 5 year anniversary.

This has to be it. We have reservations at the place we had our first real, grown up date, five years is a milestone year and we've discussed getting engaged (I've discussed, Brian has listened) since my deadline passed months ago. My friends have set up a girls night out the next day. So....

I get a manicure. Because..you know.

All night, all night, all NIGHT I am studying Brian. Is he nervous? Is that sweat? Are his hands shaking? Is he taking long bathroom breaks? Does he keep checking his pants pocket? ALL NIGHT. We make friends with the waiter and we tell him it is our anniversary. Now, I don't typically just offer that sort of stuff up. I don't like people to think I'm trying to get stuff for free - not my style - but Brian is a chatty guy so he let's his mouth go sometimes. Obviously, I ignore that fact about him and think "He totally is setting something up with our waiter."

After a delicious dinner, I start to notice that the wait staff is congregating pretty close to our table. I'm looking around, wondering if someone is having a birthday - because you know how they get together to sing at that poor birthday boy or girl - and I notice that they are lighting up some sparklers.

And then it hit me.

I'm about to get ENGAGED UP IN THIS BITCH!

I instantly start shaking and sweating. Eyes start darting. I'm looking at Brian. Watching his hands, watching his hands, watching his hands.

Nothing.

This fool looks like it really IS his birthday, such is his joy at getting a free dessert from our attentive waiter.

Another manicure for nothing.

At this point, I'm all "Fuck it. Let's live like Goldie and Kurt." I'm convincing myself that I can live life as we've been living it. What is marriage anyway? We live together. We share responsibility for three dogs together. We eat dinner with one another almost every night. I know how he likes to sleep at night. I wash, dry and fold his clothes. He will go out and warm up my car for me on the extra cold mornings, before his first cup of coffee. When I'm watching my trash television, he sits in the same room with me and I like to believe it's not just because that television is in the living room. He'll bring his work downstairs. When he's watching his television, I'll read my book in the same room - just to be around him. We grocery shop together. And separately. And I always know what snacks to get him. And what brand of pizza. I know exactly what it means when he sits next to me on the couch and he turns is back and leans forward. He almost always knows what I want when I say, in that nagging way, "baaaaabbbeeeeeee?" If marriage means me telling him every other day that he needs to take his clothes off UPSTAIRS and NOT in the kitchen, him reminding me to put the cap back on the toothpaste, me sending him a text message to pick up soda, him telling me to "be careful, sweetheart" ever.single.time I leave the house, me telling him that I'm pretty sure someone else already owns the patent on that particular invention you hope to create, thus making us MILLIONS....

....then we are already married.

Summer comes and goes and from time to time, I think that a ring is definitely coming. It's not something that consumes me every day, but like I said, from time to time I really think about it. The holidays approach and thus begins the endless cycle of holiday obligations. It's a crazy time. For anyone.

On Christmas day, Brian and I held the annual Christmas Day Breakfast at our house. My mom, sister, brother and nephew were all over. Immediately after that, we had a nice brunch with Brian's sister, brother-in-law and nephew, followed by a visit out to my cousin's house out in Palatine. It was a long, long day. Brian and I walk into the house to a chorus of angry, frantic barking. The usual welcome home from our brood who are undoubtedly starving and ready for a bathroom break. I walk up the stairs, ready to put my sleepy clothes on when Brian says " Honey, come downstairs. I have to show you something." This should have been my clue that shit done changed. But I was tired. Whether he knew I'd have my guard down or not, I don't know, but the timing was perfect on his part. My first instinct was to ask him if it could wait until tomorrow. My second instinct told me to just go down there, humor him and get it over with.

I walk into the garage with a bad attitude. I'm mad that this dude made me walk all the way downstairs at 10 p.m. on Christmas after such a long day. I'm all "WHAT? What do you have to show me? Out with it." I walk over to the make-shift table and he walks around to the back of Big Sexy (he's our big, obnoxious television that we got on craigslist for football purposes). Everything happens really fast after that.

My inner voice is all:

What is he saying?
What is in his hand?
Is that...?!
IS HE ON ONE KNEE?!
That's my ring!?
Say yes, SAY YES.

And I said yes. In our garage. On the one day of the year I asked not to be proposed to on.

And it was perfect.

I wish I could remember everything he said to me. But there was no way I could stop the blood from rushing to my head and making my ears ring. It doesn't even really matter what he said because I heard the important part.

And I plan to hold him to it.

FOR.EV.ER.

Ribbons

Will someone just create this seemingly easy craft for me? Please?

I love the idea of a ribbon backdrop for the ceremony. It seems so simple and pretty.

"I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?"

It's funny. I started out with all of these fabulous ideas for the wedding and now, I've made excuses for why I don't want to do them anymore. Most of them have to do with the fact that I am not creative. I do not have a creative bone in my body. I think big but do not have the ability to bring anything to life. I'm just not that way. Another thing? What most people don't tell you is that sometimes being creative is expensive. I shouldn't say expensive, but it definitely takes more cash than what I would expect.

I'm over it.

I'm sitting here, crunching wedding numbers and congratulating myself on doing such a good job of staying disciplined about saving, saving, saving and I'm reminded that all of this money is going to be spent soon. Very soon. It makes me sad. Where is it all going?! WHY. What is cheap to one person is expensive to another. I'm not going to give you my budget here, but let's just say that to some, it's a small budget but to ME, it is a very, very, very real amount of money. The things I could do. Or not do. I could just sit on it and have it there. Rainy day money. That sounds nice. Instead, it's being spent on ONE.DAY. One day for two people who have been together so long that a wedding at this point is just a formality. Why do we have to spend so much money to throw a party? Who are we trying to impress? It's silly.

So, I'm thinking of maybe taking things in the opposite direction. I'm thinking of going simple. Nothing wrong with that, right? You don't really need all of that flair to have a good time. I know people who have a blast with a deck of cards and a beer bong. Expectations are always so high when you go to wedding. What is she wearing? What is he wearing? What are those flowers? Did you taste that cake? I can't believe she did that. I can't believe she wore that.

It's so gross. Yet, we are all guilty of being all judge-y.

But why should I care? Our wedding is going to be shared with the people closest to us. Mostly family. And they won't judge us, right? No. They'll love just being a part of it all. And we'll be happy to have everyone there - being a part of it all.

So, with that off my chest I have to be real: I'm just lazy.

Lazy, but still not creative. So it's okay to not follow through. Right?

Happy Friday. : )