Oh Sh*t.

Things are really starting to pick up and I'm feeling a little- vomity. Is that a word? I don't know but I'm feeling it. We have finally set a date and I feel like I'm going to break out in hives. It's all so..real. We are going to put our deposit down on our venue tomorrow and I'm a mix of happy, excited and I don't know. I don't know how to describe it. You know that feeling you get when you're bidding on a really awesome item on ebay and your imagining yourself opening the package when it arrives and you make all these plans to do fun things with your new purchase and then at the very last minute you realize "maybe I don't need to spend $75 on a Mickey Mouse waffle maker" but it's too late, you've found that you won and now you're stuck with a Mickey Mouse waffle maker? I feel like that. I've lost you, haven't I? It's okay. I'm feeling so, so happy that this is all happening after all these years together but at the same time I feel on the verge of an anxiety attack every time I think about all that needs to been done. I know I'm not doing it alone, but I can't help but feel like this is all on me. I call the shots. For someone who is not a planner in the slightest and really just sort of likes to go with the flow (though I am known for being very punctual - weird) this is not a position I'm comfortable in. But, I press on.

On top of picking our date which I'm keeping a semi-secret for the time being (because I think we are Beyonce and Jay-Z for some reason) we have also picked the venue (which is not really a secret) and I have ordered and received my dress within two weeks. I KNOW. I have my dress. If you remember I was just complaining about how I was trying on anything with a little bit of sparkle and was completely underwhelmed. The tide turned.

One task down, one million, seven hundred and fifty-two more to go.

I recently schooled Brian on some of things I've been researching and he was completely taken aback by all the recon I've done. Oh sweetie. I've been on this mission since well before we were engaged. He has no idea that I've researched more venues than I'd like to admit, visited more blogs in a day than work I'm actually paid for, looked at numerous photos and videos of complete strangers intimate wedding moments- stalker style. I'm going to need him to get at my level. GET THERE.

We are currently deciding whether or not we want to spend an obscene amount of money on photos and video. I had to educate him on the fine art of "This Is What Your Money Gets You". If you want cool, unique, fun photos you are going to have to drop a lot of coin and maybe kick your Rockstar habit for the next year, otherwise we are going to have to commission a stranger off the street who'll do our wedding with a Walmart special camera for the low low price of a pack of smokes and a hot meal. We are considering Jeremy Lawson who is absolutely AMAZING. I mean, I haven't met him or anything, but his photos are literally stunning. We have a couple videographers on the agenda as well but we are still undecided. I suppose we should start with something easier like the caterer. Baby steps. This is how all this stuff is going to get done: tiny little baby steps, coffee, my mom and my sister. And maybe I'll pick up a cocaine habit, just to keep me on my toes. (Kidding.)